There's something very exciting about connecting with a younger man who's obviously all that into you. He's attentive, appreciative, interested in what you have to say, and he doesn't furtively look at other women while he's with you. He actually calls you when he says he's going to. He finds you intriguing rather than intimidating, and he's as physically attracted to you as you are to him. You suddenly have all kinds of new energy. You're walking around with a glow that all of your friends have noticed and commented on. It's a match made in heaven so how could anything possibly go wrong?
Of course you know the answer to that question, but all that great chemistry might have fried your brain slightly, so let me give voice to the reason that you do possess but that you might have temporarily forgotten. Chemistry is a wonderful thing, a gift, but it also makes us crazy and makes us slaves to our hormones. Perhaps you've already had this conversation with your daughter?
When there's a strong mutual attraction everyone is usually on their best behavior, putting their best foot forward and all those other cliches that have become cliches because they're true. It's precisely because everything looks and feels so great that you might want to take a moment and reflect on whether or not your younger guy is someone you'll want - or be able to- keep for the long haul. The signs are there if you're willing to see them.
Oprah always told us that the love was in the details and this is as true in relationships as it is in dinner party preparations. The details you want to examine are your younger man's behavior. Does he exhibit any signs of bad behavior? When men behave badly, women often make excuses for them, particularly if the man is younger. "He doesn't know any better; nobody's ever told him what's appropriate, " we tell ourselves. Or, "He's just afraid of commitment," or "He's a different generation and they do things differently."
Wrong. Bad, unloving, disrespectful behavior should never be excused. When a man cares for a woman, no matter the age or the age difference, he shows her that he cares by being courteous and respectful. No woman, whatever her age, should expect and tolerate less.
Let's face it, some men really are just too young. Others, unfortunately, are just too wrong. If your younger man regularly ignores or tramples your boundaries, he's giving you a sign that he may be too wrong. If he lacks consideration for things that are important to you, if he's narcisistic and involved with his pleasures to the exclusion of yours, you are not dealing with a keeper. You may want to think twice about continuing this relationship.
Other signs of bad, disrespectful behavior include:
* He uses derogatory language when talking about other women.
* He disappears for an entire weekend, doesn't call you, doesn't respond when you call him and tells you - days later - that he couldn't call you because he was busy.
* After you've had sex with him the first time, he doesn't call you the following day.
The problem may not be that he's young; it may be that he's just a certain type of man, one who can't love, can't commit, be honest or be faithful. These are traits that no matter how great the sexual connection are never going to change.
How can you tell if you're involved with a man like this? There is a reliable formula for determining the type of guy you're dealing with. Men are not telepathic so do NOT expect him to read your mind:
1 - Tell him honestly what you want and need from him.
2 - Observe how he responds.
3 - Based on your observations determine if he is willing and able to meet your needs.
Pay attention to his behavior rather than his words. When a boundary has been trampled, an insensitive comment made or a hurtful action taken, don't ignore it and then walk around feeling angry, hurt and resentful. Express your feelings honestly. Honor your self esteem with the courage to state clearly what you need and expect, and why you feel that way. Everyone does better with explanations rather than attacks. Men of every age don't like to be reprimanded, scolded or subjected to manipulative efforts to control - or change - their behavior. Just say what you feel and observe how he responds. It will provide you with the information you need to know what to do.
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