There's a woman I'd known more than 30 years ago, with whom I've had no contact at all but she has recently come back into my awareness because of a mutual friend who is still close to her. The woman's name is Ulla (Scandinavian) and what I remember about her is how beautiful and brilliant she was. Slender, lithe, blonde, she was a full professor at the prestigious institute where she taught. She's the same age as me but we were never really friends. I was, even back then, involved with a man younger than I was, and embarrassed about it, ashamed even - remember thirty years ago older women/younger men relationships were still taboo, shameful, furtive, perceived as sort of perverted by the general population.
Ulla was the only other woman I'd ever known in those days who also had a much younger boyfriend; not just younger but a blue collar guy to boot. She was a full professor. Nobody did that then, nobody. I kept my relationship closeted outside of my small circle of close friends. I didn't want my employer or the people I worked with to know about it. I had a fairly public job back then and I really did fear that I might lose it should my shameful secret be exposed. You can laugh and call me a cowardly wimp (I'll cop to it) but unless you were in my shoes you don't know or just don't remember how bad the stigma was. But Ulla could care less about what the world thought. He was her guy and he was good to her and that was that. She paraded him around openly and proudly and screw anybody who didn't like it. She was awesome.
Fast forward thirty-something years. Time and age have not been kind to Ulla. I understand from our mutual friend that she's been ill and her illness has taken its toll on her physical body. I heard that she looks and carries herself like someone in their 90's. Very sad, especially for someone who I remember to be so strong and vital and altogether lovely. I guess we all were back then. But here's the interesting news: that younger boyfriend of hers is still there, still committed to her, still helping to take care of her and trying to ensure her needs are met. They never married and don't live together anymore but he's still there, making sure repairs are done around her house and that there's food in her fridge and that she isn't alone. He still loves her, obviously.
It's easy enough, I suppose, to point to Demi and Ashton or Madonna and Guy and say that older woman/younger man relationships don't work - or don't last. But if you're ever tempted to think that remember the case of writer Anais Nin who, at the age of 44 became involved with a man of 28. They were together until her death 30 years later. There's actually a very long list of famous couples who've managed to stay together despite the age difference as well as the pressures that fame inevitably brings, a list I won't bother to itemize here. Suffice it to say that some relationships last and some don't - but in the case of those that don't work out - it is for a variety of reasons never having to do with the fact that she's older than he is. NEVER...
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